Leadership is the ability to influence a group by positively making decisions that help the group complete its overall mission. What is being shown in our collective world experience and in our individual lives, is the small number of people who can negatively impact the karma of others. A fundamental cornerstone of leadership is making decisions about that affect others. When people make spiritual leadership decisions, strong spiritual leaders are looking at the needs of the group, rather than individual interests.
An overwhelming topic that has been showing up this week in the lives of my #HardCoreButterflies (my clients), is standing by a consciously made decision and dealing with the consequences of that choice.
Making a bad decision is something we all do and we have to do the best we can to mitigate that damage that is done.
What happens when a bad decision that you made was fundamentally flawed and all choices made based on that decision are wrong? Not just a little one, but YOU FUCKED UP…BIG TIME. The piper is here, and it’s time to face the music.
Always own your decisions. If you fucked up, own it immediately, learn from it and move on. Those aren’t not just my words on the subject.
I met with a potential client whose long standing friendship was ended abruptly because of her inability to be honest with her feelings and not being truthful about her true feelings during the course of their decades long friendship. Let’s call her Lynn for the sake of this discussion. Turns out Lynn didn’t really like this person, and only felt sorry for her. The group Lynn belongs to made this person the butt of the groups jokes, and sometimes, really cruel ones. Rather than being straight up, she would hang out with her but speak really badly about this person behind her back. Words that can wound came out her mouth and Lynn was ashamed of saying outloud about someone who thought they were friends. Reluctantly, admitting secrets from the past, Lynn sits in front of me flushed with embarrassment, even today, almost three decades later. The guilt of these actions bother her every day and she was hoping no one would discover her role. Literally, this poor girl’s treatment by this group was the elephant in the room during high school reunions, a dead elephant that continues to have lipstick placed on its non existent bone where your lips should be, every day. She was really hoping no one would find out. The well laid plans of mice and men…
The Universe does not work that way.
Her friend found out the truth in an unexpected manner, years later and that day started off like every other day. Except on this day, very harshly, she learned that the woman she considered to be a true friend was not. She learned Lynn was there for the perks of friendship and not being a true friend and this news wasn’t taken well. This person ended the friendship without a second thought.
This was the purpose of this consultation, was how to perform damage control for a situation that is about to become very public and how to deal with that aspect while still maintaining the “friendship”. That’s simply not possible, I wouldn’t say I could make that happen. You can’t be deceptive for decades and not expect a reaction. Lying or lying by omission about fundamental facts at the beginning of any relationship spells trouble. Imagine what happens when that “lie” goes on for your thirty years? Never be friends with someone who uses you to make themselves feel better. If your friends can’t be happy for you then find a new friend. I digress…
When dealing with reputation management, I have a few questions of all my potential clients:
1. If you had to explain your actions in front of everyone you have even known, could you?
2. If you had to explain your actions to the person you have offended, in their presence, could you?
This person couldn’t do either. I didn’t take her on as a client. She wanted to justify her actions and not take responsibility for her bad behavior. I have compassion for the situation but nothing that I will defend privately or publicly.
I don’t do that. I believe in integrity.
When making decisions, ANY decision, ask yourself the following questions. It can literally save your life being able to answer these following questions honestly. Can you deal with the full weight of the consequences of your decisions? Did you consider the worst case scenario if you are in fact, making decisions with incomplete information? Can you look for that person in the eye if you are wrong?
If the answer if no, you are making a bad choice. Hold what you’ve got and wait for better conditions. To the Lynn’s of the world, you are on your own, please make better choices next time.