Leadership is the ability to influence a group by positively making decisions that help the group complete its overall mission. What is being shown in our collective world experience and in our individual lives, is the small number of people who can negatively impact the karma of others. A fundamental cornerstone of leadership is making decisions about that affect others. When people make spiritual leadership decisions, strong spiritual leaders are looking at the needs of the group, rather than individual interests.
An overwhelming topic that has been showing up this week in the lives of my #HardCoreButterflies (my clients), is standing by a consciously made decision and dealing with the consequences of that choice.
Making a bad decision is something we all do and we have to do the best we can to mitigate that damage that is done.
What happens when a bad decision that you made was fundamentally flawed and all choices made based on that decision are wrong? Not just a little one, but YOU FUCKED UP…BIG TIME. The piper is here, and it’s time to face the music.
Always own your decisions. If you fucked up, own it immediately, learn from it and move on. Those aren’t not just my words on the subject.
I met with a potential client whose long standing friendship was ended abruptly because of her inability to be honest with her feelings and not being truthful about her true feelings during the course of their decades long friendship. Let’s call her Lynn for the sake of this discussion. Turns out Lynn didn’t really like this person, and only felt sorry for her. The group Lynn belongs to made this person the butt of the groups jokes, and sometimes, really cruel ones. Rather than being straight up, she would hang out with her but speak really badly about this person behind her back. Words that can wound came out her mouth and Lynn was ashamed of saying outloud about someone who thought they were friends. Reluctantly, admitting secrets from the past, Lynn sits in front of me flushed with embarrassment, even today, almost three decades later. The guilt of these actions bother her every day and she was hoping no one would discover her role. Literally, this poor girl’s treatment by this group was the elephant in the room during high school reunions, a dead elephant that continues to have lipstick placed on its non existent bone where your lips should be, every day. She was really hoping no one would find out. The well laid plans of mice and men…
The Universe does not work that way.
Her friend found out the truth in an unexpected manner, years later and that day started off like every other day. Except on this day, very harshly, she learned that the woman she considered to be a true friend was not. She learned Lynn was there for the perks of friendship and not being a true friend and this news wasn’t taken well. This person ended the friendship without a second thought.
This was the purpose of this consultation, was how to perform damage control for a situation that is about to become very public and how to deal with that aspect while still maintaining the “friendship”. That’s simply not possible, I wouldn’t say I could make that happen. You can’t be deceptive for decades and not expect a reaction. Lying or lying by omission about fundamental facts at the beginning of any relationship spells trouble. Imagine what happens when that “lie” goes on for your thirty years? Never be friends with someone who uses you to make themselves feel better. If your friends can’t be happy for you then find a new friend. I digress…
When dealing with reputation management, I have a few questions of all my potential clients:
1. If you had to explain your actions in front of everyone you have even known, could you?
2. If you had to explain your actions to the person you have offended, in their presence, could you?
This person couldn’t do either. I didn’t take her on as a client. She wanted to justify her actions and not take responsibility for her bad behavior. I have compassion for the situation but nothing that I will defend privately or publicly.
I don’t do that. I believe in integrity.
When making decisions, ANY decision, ask yourself the following questions. It can literally save your life being able to answer these following questions honestly. Can you deal with the full weight of the consequences of your decisions? Did you consider the worst case scenario if you are in fact, making decisions with incomplete information? Can you look for that person in the eye if you are wrong?
If the answer if no, you are making a bad choice. Hold what you’ve got and wait for better conditions. To the Lynn’s of the world, you are on your own, please make better choices next time.
I have to do a better job at learning how to forgive. We all do. Somehow we forget about people who really know how to bring out the worst in you. Those my friends, are your enemies.
They may start off as your friend, learning just enough about you before stabbing you in the back. They may be honest about disliking you to the point of being declared an enemy. All that matters, you now have is a bond that will impact you negatively unless you take steps to protect yourself.
In my never ending search to share pointless facts with you, I searched my beloved reddit for a subreddit that might address this. I found r/scaredfriendlist, which is subreddit that is for people who find themselves screwed by a friend and being able to let go of the grudge.
Being able to let go of grudges is harder to than you think. We have to remember, with a grudge, you are bound together. So closely, you may need a cord cutting ceremony due to the toxicity coming from the situation or event. Wounds cut that deep, which is why you may want to consider placing your enemies on a scared friends list.
Scared friends are people who you can’t forgive, have caused serious harm to you or someone you love, or have seriously betrayed you in anyway. These are people who require daily prayer, and prayer only. For all other actions, no contact is highly recommended.
Stay thirsty for knowledge.
“It turns out that when I’m performing, I have only half the available light; the audience has the other half.”Rosanne Cash: Living Between the Notes On Stage
Today you are in my thoughts. I wanted to say how proud I am of you.
On this day, International Bereaved Mothers Day, please know I feel your loss. Maybe not as deeply as you, but Kyna Marie’s smile touched everyone and I’m devastated she isn’t here with you.
I’m really not sure how you get the strength to wake up every morning. I just don’t. To have lived what you lived through, I don’t ever want to imagine and I’m so sorry you are forced to. I wish I could take away this pain from you but I can’t.
Grief is hard to cut through. You will have a lot more bad days than good days. The great days will always have sadness that will not go away. But have faith her life, albeit short, had great meaning. Somehow, I believe she can change the world from heaven. I know you believe that too.
I don’t want to keep going on and on. Just know even when you feel very much alone, God has your back.
Sending love, prayers, positive thoughts and angels to your location.
P.S. Tanner is doing such a great job. I’m so very proud of him too! You are an excellent mom…remember that.
Good morning! I hope this Monday finds you creating the best world you can for yourself and the people who are in your world.
I love poems. Especially those that are life changing to the reader. Because of that fact, I wanted to share something that has been a great help to me when cultivating a positive mindset. I sincerely hope it be of help to you as well. The Optimist Creed by Christian D. Larson has been one of my favorite finds. He wants you to promise yourself to stay optimistic and I would like to add by saying to stay optimistic through tough times you can get through anything.
THE OPTIMIST CREED
1. To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.
2. To talk health, happiness,and prosperity to every person you meet.
3. To make all your friends feel that there is something in them.
4. To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.
5. To think only of the best, to work only for the best, and to expect only the best.
6. To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.
7. To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.
8. To wear a cheerful countenance at all times and give every living creature a smile.
9. To give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others.
10. To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.
Christian D. Larson
If we can apply even just one suggestion to your everyday experience, then your life is able to change in a positive direction!
Make good choices!
Whether or not it was an accident, it’s done. I am going to do my very best to build the best site and learn how to conquer my fear of technology. I am going to do this regardless of how I feel about this. Its done, so lets go.
We have to take our wins when we get them. I’m going to do that right now. I have been featured on Learning Success Systems discussing how parents can control their emotions with their children. It can be related to any area in life so everyone can learn.
Thanks in advance for watching and for your support!
You’ve been shown everything that you need to know. The only thing that remains is for you to make the choice to change your life. Feel your heart pounding in your mouth and select the option before you. Take the risk.
You always have to start at the beginning. This is the beginning of 19SeventySix Coaching. Publicly at least. I have spent the last decade going through the process of living my best life and discovering paths to share with you all. It will be an exciting ride for all of us. Truthfully, I am a reluctant passenger, I had to understand some things about myself in order to be here. Now that task is completed and I’m here with all of you, its my sincerest wish that 19SeventySix Coaching and our staff can be of service to you in assisting with guiding you to become the best person you can be.
The only promises I make are the promises I intend to keep. My promise to you, my supporters and fans, is I will never ask anyone to do anything I haven’t actually done myself. That goes for every aspect of every product or service 19SeventySix Coaching offers, personally and professionally.
It’s my intention to make this work we do together, a once in a lifetime, positive experience that will change your life to the extent that all your friends will want to know how you are being boss in your life. They’ll want to know who the shiny new person is and most of all, they’ll want to know how they can get some of what you’ve got. The answer you will tell them is that you earned it through hard work. I make that promise to you right now too…
Through these changing and uncertain times, a constant value that needs to continue to appreciate is our self worth and the skills brought to the table. We all have a skill. That is a universal fact. The trick is finding the skill you were born to do and harnessing that power to own your life. That is the ultimate goal of 19SeventySix Coaching, to grow in the tough times and to train how we fight. By following us, we can show you how to get that for yourself.
Accidentally pushing the launch button to this site might have been the best thing I’ve ever done!
19SeventySix is your supporter and fan too! You’ve got this!