Please Choose Life Not Suicide

Courtesy of 19SeventySixCoaching

I consider myself lucky and I’m grateful. This week I had all of my kids together at the same table when I asked all of them point blank if they were suicidal what they should do if they ever felt that way. My girls looked at me with surprised shock and my son said, “Mom, that’s something that I wouldn’t do. You would kill me.” That statement made me feel so much better that I got my point across.

Some of my friends aren’t so lucky.

The reason for my concern is because one of my friends was devastated this week upon learning their child took their own life.

I think Donna Lee would want me to say something about this. She would never want anyone to go through what she is going through, not even her enemy. Her heartbreak is visible through her strength, everyone can see this. Donna wants everyone to know that suicide is real and so is the struggle. It happened to her. It happened to someone she gave birth to, and I can’t even imagine her sorrow.

How I can best help is by sharing a pledge from one of the biggest suicide prevention and awareness advocate I know, Boone Culter. Boone created this pledge and people all over the world abide by it. Myself included. Check out Boone’s Spartan Pledge YouTube.

The Spartan Pledge asks you not to take your life by your own hand and to find another mission. It’s pretty simple, but not easy. Call someone who can help you work yourself through your issue and join the mission to end suicide. Choose life. That’s my addition to it. Choose life.

Donna Lee would want me to tell you all that.

If you are feeling suicidal please call 1.800.273.8255. Then follow that up with a visit to you mental health provider as soon as possible.

One thing I can’t stress enough is if you are feeling like ending your life, be honest with you mental health provider. This is something they need to know as part of your treatment plan. Get help if you need it, take care of your mental health. It takes strength to battle your demons. I have faith and believe in you, I know you are scared by you’ve got this. Ask for help.

I can’t take anymore mother’s crying. Any child who commits suicide truly breaks our hearts.

I am begging and imploring you to Choose Life.

Do Black Lives Matter on the Green Line?

As an Army Veteran who happens to be both Black and female, when I look back at my cumulative experience in serving my country I look at my service a little differently. Like Chris Rock, in his special Kill The Messenger, I look at the government as someone who paid my way through college but molested me (figuratively and possibly literally). I’m proud of my service but it would be untrue if I say I haven’t been resentful of bad treatment and inequality of a place that is supposed represent those very qualities.

Life isn’t fair and now I have to move on.

By taking those experiences that have value to the present course of my life, I have had to economize and take what is really important. Something that transcends civilizations and infuses cultures with positivity and wisdom. I’m lucky I was able to locate that experience just in the nick of time. I’m going to share with you the lesson that saved my life many moons ago:

The ability to be optimistic in a FUBAR situation.

It’s happening as we speak.

It’s now time to inventory our toolkits and find a path for everyone to come out in the other side. Right now, I don’t care if you are magenta polka dot, we all need to be on the same page by respecting each other. I don’t care if you like each other or not. Yeah, I said it. Work together…NOW.

I say this not because I’m enlightened but because I’m practical. The sooner we get this right by being the people who can show the least of us how to treat all you meet humanely, the sooner we can get to serving our soul purpose.

How we do this is placing ourselves in someone else’s shoes. If you wouldn’t like it done to you then don’t behave badly to someone else.

What is required is a change of perspective, it’ll do the mind some good.

Sharing an interesting article on a Black Mans perspective in serving our country. It’s not an easy journey and in requires us to listen.

Tough conversations; addressing the past to improve our future > Vandenberg Air Force Base > Display
— Read on www.vandenberg.af.mil/News/Commentaries/Display/Article/2226762/tough-conversations-addressing-the-past-to-improve-our-future/

Do unto others…

The concerned mother in me came out yesterday in the most unexpected way. While I was on my staycation, with my own kids at home.

Sometimes you need time off without your kids. That’s a fact.

I spent my entire day at the Retro Pool at the Sahara Hotel and Casino yesterday. From check in until the pool closed, I was there. I have missed the pool that much.

I had the pleasure of meeting Hanna, a very strong mother who raised a young woman who uses her intellect effectively and will set the world on fire with her passion to positively influence the world to be a better society.

Her name is McKenna.

She was celebrating her 21st birthday. A month after that momentous day, better late than never, I say. I brought my daughter cannabis when she turned 21. I consider this moment to be a rite of passage.

Today was different because unlike the last time I was able to lay out at the pool, the overwhelming topic of conversation was police brutality and injustice. It is starting to be a recurring theme, all day…everyday.

Sigh.

So we got to talking and turns out McKenna doesn’t tolerate injustice and is looking for a path to change that shit. She was out protesting in her hometown to support the #BlackLivesMatter movement. I understand those who protest and I support you.

However, I fear for your safety. I fear agitators who antagonist peace who wants conflict; I fear the pile of bricks that are placed in front of protesters, there to goad and provoke someone into throwing one and chaos ensuing until it consumes everything. That’s what they want. Do not give it to them.

What we are going to do, is find a way to protest that is effective and will absolutely get the point across. Find a way that will leave no doubt that racial and gender injustice must end. Period.

So let’s all put our thinking caps on and find a way to peacefully protest. Writing and contacting your elected officials is one way. Something tells me we are going to have to get in their ass. Make them know that we are watching what they are doing. Require all law enforcement officers wear mandatory body cams with serious consequences for having missing footage when their story is in conflict with recorded evidence. How we do this, is for law enforcement officers to stop standing behind their scumbag colleagues, cleaning up your house and stop behaving as if you are above the law.

McKenna, how you change injustice is by shining light on the issue and a commitment to positively impact the end goal. Then you put that issue in the face of you elected officials. All in their faces. Keep it there until they change their perspective.

In the meantime, write that story about your mom and driving all those women home so they wouldn’t have to walk in unsafe conditions. Hanna changed someone else’s world and taught you to do the same. That’s how you protest, like a bad bitch.

p,s. Don’t forget to vote…

Guess Who Hosted the 1st Second Monday?

That would be me and I was so excited!

CVA’s first, “2nd Monday” Veteran Development Series in the books! Watch as experienced veterans discuss tips to start a new career path enhance your chances to land your next job.. Those Panelists included Airforce veteran, “Conversations with a Twist” host, and Senior Certified HR Professional Niecy Walker. Airforce Veteran and current member on Nevada’s Advisory Committee at U.S. Commission on Civil Rights, Wendell Blaylock. Lastly, Kevin Panet used his 21 years of Human Resources Management experience to discuss how older workers can find a job in today’s market. Great Q&A and feedback from Jess Sanchez and Georgia Curinga Enjoy, and join us next time. Special thanks to Luis Vega of CVA Nevada for hosting!

I had the best time moderating this amazing panel! Their level of expertise is amazing and if you are looking for work, polishing your resume skills or seeking a new career make sure you check out this video!

Meeting Recording:
https://standtogether.zoom.us/rec/share/uPF7IZut1l1Oa4GWymzxRr8YDNvBT6a8hnMa_6JbykYecFaVgOP40W0ytletB4um

Cooler Heads…

19SeventySix Coaching

I can’t stop myself from crying, I don’t recognize this country right now.

This week has been a revelation to me. I’m ways that are both good and bad to the collective consciousness. In this time of darkness, I do hold hope for the future. I hold hope that we can have an HONEST discussion of the issues that are driving these violent protests.

One of the issues that is dogging us as a society is the way we are stereotyping people. Protestors are doing it to cops, cops stereotype citizens everyday. How we are dealing with each other as people is a consequence of the stereotypes we all have about every race in America.

We are doing a bad job listening to each other and we need to do better. RIGHT NOW.

Take a moment at this time and listen to me.

According to Vogue Sewing, the writer makes the specific point “Remember that colors should never be seen as isolated entities, but in relation to each other.” That’s where we are going wrong. We see each other as separate, when we should be working together.

Is racism a real issue? HELL YES racism is a real issue. I have personally dealt with it in my life from people who I thought were friends. My friends deal with it at work and at the store when we get “extra scrutiny” to make sure no theft is taking place, and society as a whole deals with it when a police officer brutalizing a class of people because we have allowed them to get away with it. I don’t believe I have live a day in my entire life without being subjected to some form of racism, and neither can you.

That has to change RIGHT NOW.

This starts with Law Enforcement Officers. Part of the reason why you are held in distain is some communities is your INSISTENT NEED to stand behind the badge when your brothers and sisters are behaving like the animals you are supposed to be protecting the citizens from. Your actions tell us you don’t wish to be held accountable when you are wrong, especially when you are dead wrong. You’ll just go along because of peer pressure and I can’t respect that. Neither can anyone else. In this case, bad apples are ruining the bunch of you. Respect must be earned, start earning it by cleaning your house of the garbage that pollutes it in the form of scumbags you work with.

For looters and criminals who are hoping to use this time by committing crimes against your brothers and sisters and businesses that are staples to your communities, bless your hearts. I hope you are prosecuting to the fullest extent of the law, mans and God’s. Shame on you for taking a crisis and behaving badly. Someone is seeing what you doing, whether it’s surveillance or God. I hope you have an excellent excuse for doing what you are doing. I urge you to stop, please.

To the communities that are protesting inequality and injustice have some work to do too. The violent protests have got to end. PERIOD. I get the fact you are pissed off at our government. I can’t think of a day when I don’t think our government has failed it’s citizens in ways we aren’t aware of at this time. Our government is not going to save us. WE HAVE TO SAVE OURSELVES. We can start by participating in government. It’s amazing what they think they can get away with when no one is looking. START LOOKING. Look how your official are doing their jobs, pay attention to how they vote and for goodness sake: government officials will be trying their best to govern without comment from their constituents using the excuse of “Social distancing”. That only goes so far. We need to start recalling people from office who vote and govern for their personal gain, their voting record will tell you everything you need to know. Let them know you see what they are doing.

Cooler heads have to prevail. As long as you can’t see where someone is coming from you will never be able to understand them. When you feel the need to judge someone according to race or social class, please think about this one statement:

Walk a mile in their shoes.

If you can get through the 5,280 feet without a change in perspective, then you are doing it wrong.

We get through the first step of this process with a change of perspective. Do your own research, we all have to stop blindly believing and ask questions. More on that another time. Blessings…

Own your decisions…even the bad ones.

Leadership is the ability to influence a group by positively making decisions that help the group complete its overall mission. What is being shown in our collective world experience and in our individual lives, is the small number of people who can negatively impact the karma of others. A fundamental cornerstone of leadership is making decisions about that affect others. When people make spiritual leadership decisions, strong spiritual leaders are looking at the needs of the group, rather than individual interests.

An overwhelming topic that has been showing up this week in the lives of my #HardCoreButterflies (my clients), is standing by a consciously made decision and dealing with the consequences of that choice.

Making a bad decision is something we all do and we have to do the best we can to mitigate that damage that is done.

What happens when a bad decision that you made was fundamentally flawed and all choices made based on that decision are wrong? Not just a little one, but YOU FUCKED UP…BIG TIME. The piper is here, and it’s time to face the music.

Always own your decisions. If you fucked up, own it immediately, learn from it and move on. Those aren’t not just my words on the subject.

I met with a potential client whose long standing friendship was ended abruptly because of her inability to be honest with her feelings and not being truthful about her true feelings during the course of their decades long friendship. Let’s call her Lynn for the sake of this discussion. Turns out Lynn didn’t really like this person, and only felt sorry for her. The group Lynn belongs to made this person the butt of the groups jokes, and sometimes, really cruel ones. Rather than being straight up, she would hang out with her but speak really badly about this person behind her back. Words that can wound came out her mouth and Lynn was ashamed of saying outloud about someone who thought they were friends. Reluctantly, admitting secrets from the past, Lynn sits in front of me flushed with embarrassment, even today, almost three decades later. The guilt of these actions bother her every day and she was hoping no one would discover her role. Literally, this poor girl’s treatment by this group was the elephant in the room during high school reunions, a dead elephant that continues to have lipstick placed on its non existent bone where your lips should be, every day. She was really hoping no one would find out. The well laid plans of mice and men…

The Universe does not work that way.

Her friend found out the truth in an unexpected manner, years later and that day started off like every other day. Except on this day, very harshly, she learned that the woman she considered to be a true friend was not. She learned Lynn was there for the perks of friendship and not being a true friend and this news wasn’t taken well. This person ended the friendship without a second thought.

This was the purpose of this consultation, was how to perform damage control for a situation that is about to become very public and how to deal with that aspect while still maintaining the “friendship”. That’s simply not possible, I wouldn’t say I could make that happen. You can’t be deceptive for decades and not expect a reaction. Lying or lying by omission about fundamental facts at the beginning of any relationship spells trouble. Imagine what happens when that “lie” goes on for your thirty years? Never be friends with someone who uses you to make themselves feel better. If your friends can’t be happy for you then find a new friend. I digress…

When dealing with reputation management, I have a few questions of all my potential clients:

1. If you had to explain your actions in front of everyone you have even known, could you?

2. If you had to explain your actions to the person you have offended, in their presence, could you?

This person couldn’t do either. I didn’t take her on as a client. She wanted to justify her actions and not take responsibility for her bad behavior. I have compassion for the situation but nothing that I will defend privately or publicly.

I don’t do that. I believe in integrity.

When making decisions, ANY decision, ask yourself the following questions. It can literally save your life being able to answer these following questions honestly. Can you deal with the full weight of the consequences of your decisions? Did you consider the worst case scenario if you are in fact, making decisions with incomplete information? Can you look for that person in the eye if you are wrong?

If the answer if no, you are making a bad choice. Hold what you’ve got and wait for better conditions. To the Lynn’s of the world, you are on your own, please make better choices next time.

Doc Bunny