Conflict within yourself, reflects the difference between what you really feel and what you are able or choose to do about it. Interpersonal conflict occurs between you and another person when what they do or say is different to what you feel and expect, which is not resolved.
Everyone has four basic psychological needs. These are the need to be valued, to be in control, the need for self esteem or self worth, and lastly the need for consistency or stability.
Whenever any of these needs are not met conflicts, internal, external or both, are produced and people usually react in one of four ways.
They can retaliate, dominate, isolate, or cooperate.
Retaliation and domination can result in extreme violence. We would like to avoid these situations, it doesn’t work out for anyone. Isolation separates the parties but does not resolve the conflict whereas with cooperation one party allows their feelings to be ignored and needs to become unmet. It feels like victory but its not, as well it contributes to violence, verbal and physical.
Doc Bunny says considering these needs, understanding them and acting upon them will make you a more complete and therefore a more confident person and will give you strength at times of conflict.
Here are Doc Bunny’s tips to understanding psychological needs:
- The need to be valued or appreciated by others is a basic psychological requirement. You want others to recognize your worth and appreciate your contributions. You are more motivated when your contributions are recognized. When you feel unappreciated, taken advantage of, or taken for granted your need to be appreciated and valued has been violated and this can trigger a response of fear, anger or frequently both.
- The need to be in control important for everyone, but we need to focus on self control. The more insecure you feel about yourself, the more controlling you may become. On the other hand, if you feel secure and confident about yourself, then your need to control others will reduce. When you have to deal with an overly controlling person remember their need to control comes from their insecurity. Give them time to adjust to feeling secure and their need to control will decrease.
- The need to be confident and appreciate self worth. You should appreciate yourself and look to your strengths rather than any weakness and look for ways to improve. A strong self esteem gives you a powerful, solid base for dealing with all types of problems and situations. In every relationship, you have the right to have confidence and be allowed to express themselves without hurting others to reach this goal. Surround yourself with people who care about your well being and appreciate your confidence.
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